Who Can You Trust
Who can you really trust? I have been questioning this notion after a conversation I had recently. I thought about it, and I thought, “I trust my dad with x, y, and z…” I trust my mom with a, b, and c…” but I don’t trust either of them with 1, 2, or 3. It got me thinking, who do I really trust? I realized that I don’t share all information about myself with my parents because I don’t know if I feel that I can be vulnerable enough to give them certain aspects of myself. I don’t trust that they will take my vulnerable information and validate me the way that I need them to. I also realized that I give certain aspects of myself to my dad, but not my mom, and vs-versa. If I cannot trust my parents with all the parts of me, who can I trust? I thought about it some more, and I thought of my sister. I tell her certain amounts of vulnerable information about myself, but still I hold things back from her as well. This got me thinking about friends I have in my life. I once again realized that I give them certain snapshots of my vulnerable self, but not my whole self.
So who do I trust?! I realized very quickly that I trust certain people in my life with glimpses of myself. I trust them with parts of myself, but not my whole self. I realized that I do this to protect myself from myself. I compartmentalize myself to protect myself from being judged, hurt, or disappointed. The one person I realized that I have in my life that I do trust with my whole self is my therapist. I have worked with this woman for years, and gradually but eventually, I have shared my whole vulnerable self. The good, the bad and the ugly self with this woman. If you are anything like me, you can understand that it is not always easy to trust others with your full vulnerability. For me it is scary to let someone into the depths of your secrets and fears. What I have learned with time, and with therapy, is that I can trust my therapist. and I can trust myself. Trust is a big concept, and therapy is a great starting point to letting trust filter back into your life. I know its allowed me to learn to let my guard down with people in my life, and I hope therapy can be a place where you can let your guard down too.